Anyone else spend part of their life listening to "contemporary Christian music"? I did... and "Keith Green" is still the GOAT, in my book. I found him about 20 years after he passed away.

What your favorite 90s Christian rock artist tells you about who you are today:

Caedmon’s Call: You lead your church’s deconstruction small group

Jars of Clay: You’re single-handedly keeping Patagonia in business

Vigilantes of Love: You’re a university professor

Petra: You’ve planted 36 churches and are still waiting for one to take off

DC Talk: You’ve attended at least one Stronger Men’s Conference

Rich Mullins: You follow Shane Claiborne all around in the summer and run your community’s cold weather shelter in the winter

Poor Old Lu: You bought all the Harry Potter books for your kids

Sixpence None the Richer: You buy all your decor from Magnolia Farms

Newsboys: You lead your local QAnon chapter

The 77s: You’re an anti-establishment libertarian

Amy Grant: You’re leading a Jesus and John Wayne book club

Michael W. Smith: You realized your friends are friends forever only if you don’t change your beliefs

Michael Knott: You’re an atheist

Daniel Amos: You’re in jail for the January 6 insurrection

Starflyer 59: You got bored and read Nietzsche now

Steven Curtis Chapman: You’re still feeling that call to campus ministry

Jennifer Knapp: You’re a social justice warrior in all the best ways

Phil Keaggy: You’re playing weekend gigs at local coffee shops

Third Day: You’re a youth pastor

OC Supertones: You’re really into CrossFit

Dakoda Motor Company: You’re a suburban soccer mom

Skillet: You despise woke culture and long for the days of blessed cultural appropriation

Big Tent Revival: You figured out how to be an evangelical Christian without being a total jerk

U2: You talked your church into divesting from arms manufacturers (you also still listen to U2)

Michael Card: You teach English and Vocal Composition at a Christian High School

Carman: You’re a missionary

Plankeye: You’re a mega church pastor on the west coast

The Choir: You somehow remained hip after all these years (you also had a hip replaced)

Saviour Machine: You still haven’t covered up those Greek and Hebrew tattoos

Five Iron Frenzy: You like liturgy, craft beer and mini golf

Keith Green: You’re still waiting for the church to get its **** together

——

It’s been brought to our attention that we left too many favorite artists off the original list. While we can’t include everybody, here are a few more:

MxPx: You’re still a ****

Adam Again: You were smoking weed way before it was legal

The Violet Burning: You did your dissertation on Derrida

Pedro the Lion: You still contemplate a monastic lifestyle but can’t bring yourself to give up Netflix

Project 86: You secretly regret never having raged against the machine

Stavesacre: You can’t quite decide if Nadia Bolz Weber or Peter Rollins best speaks to your deep existential angst

Point of Grace: You’re a true MLM pro

POD: You wasted most of your thirties watching Pawn Stars

Over the Rhine: You run your local indie record store

Tourniquet: You watch all of Jake Paul’s fights

Switchfoot: You regularly say “not all men” when interrupting a woman who is speaking

Audio Adrenaline: You think that not enough white guys have a podcast

Relient K: You’re a Swiftie

Dime Store Prophets: You live in a gentrified neighborhood, but it’s okay because you hate yourself for doing so

Waterdeep: You still own the djembe you bought back in Bible college when your dream was to join the alt-worship team at Willow Creek

Stryper: You haven’t missed an episode of Homebrewed Christianity for twelve years

Steve Taylor: You still have your soul

(Borrowed from one "Phil Snider" on Facebook...)