Anyone else spend part of their life listening to "contemporary Christian music"? I did... and "Keith Green" is still the GOAT, in my book. I found him about 20 years after he passed away.
What your favorite 90s Christian rock artist tells you about who you are today:
Caedmon’s Call: You lead your church’s deconstruction small group
Jars of Clay: You’re single-handedly keeping Patagonia in business
Vigilantes of Love: You’re a university professor
Petra: You’ve planted 36 churches and are still waiting for one to take off
DC Talk: You’ve attended at least one Stronger Men’s Conference
Rich Mullins: You follow Shane Claiborne all around in the summer and run your community’s cold weather shelter in the winter
Poor Old Lu: You bought all the Harry Potter books for your kids
Sixpence None the Richer: You buy all your decor from Magnolia Farms
Newsboys: You lead your local QAnon chapter
The 77s: You’re an anti-establishment libertarian
Amy Grant: You’re leading a Jesus and John Wayne book club
Michael W. Smith: You realized your friends are friends forever only if you don’t change your beliefs
Michael Knott: You’re an atheist
Daniel Amos: You’re in jail for the January 6 insurrection
Starflyer 59: You got bored and read Nietzsche now
Steven Curtis Chapman: You’re still feeling that call to campus ministry
Jennifer Knapp: You’re a social justice warrior in all the best ways
Phil Keaggy: You’re playing weekend gigs at local coffee shops
Third Day: You’re a youth pastor
OC Supertones: You’re really into CrossFit
Dakoda Motor Company: You’re a suburban soccer mom
Skillet: You despise woke culture and long for the days of blessed cultural appropriation
Big Tent Revival: You figured out how to be an evangelical Christian without being a total jerk
U2: You talked your church into divesting from arms manufacturers (you also still listen to U2)
Michael Card: You teach English and Vocal Composition at a Christian High School
Carman: You’re a missionary
Plankeye: You’re a mega church pastor on the west coast
The Choir: You somehow remained hip after all these years (you also had a hip replaced)
Saviour Machine: You still haven’t covered up those Greek and Hebrew tattoos
Five Iron Frenzy: You like liturgy, craft beer and mini golf
Keith Green: You’re still waiting for the church to get its **** together
——
It’s been brought to our attention that we left too many favorite artists off the original list. While we can’t include everybody, here are a few more:
MxPx: You’re still a ****
Adam Again: You were smoking weed way before it was legal
The Violet Burning: You did your dissertation on Derrida
Pedro the Lion: You still contemplate a monastic lifestyle but can’t bring yourself to give up Netflix
Project 86: You secretly regret never having raged against the machine
Stavesacre: You can’t quite decide if Nadia Bolz Weber or Peter Rollins best speaks to your deep existential angst
Point of Grace: You’re a true MLM pro
POD: You wasted most of your thirties watching Pawn Stars
Over the Rhine: You run your local indie record store
Tourniquet: You watch all of Jake Paul’s fights
Switchfoot: You regularly say “not all men” when interrupting a woman who is speaking
Audio Adrenaline: You think that not enough white guys have a podcast
Relient K: You’re a Swiftie
Dime Store Prophets: You live in a gentrified neighborhood, but it’s okay because you hate yourself for doing so
Waterdeep: You still own the djembe you bought back in Bible college when your dream was to join the alt-worship team at Willow Creek
Stryper: You haven’t missed an episode of Homebrewed Christianity for twelve years
Steve Taylor: You still have your soul
(Borrowed from one "Phil Snider" on Facebook...)
